” * + ahwenBABY + * “

<July 23, 2005>

man… hate it when terdelete all the stuff u type..

gonna start my class monday.. i’m 2 weeks late.. so need to catch up with all the stuff.. haih~ dunno anyone here.. dunno wat to do tomolo when 1st time go to class…

my room is soooo small.. share with another 2 girls.. dunno wat to say… still ok ok la my roommate.. maybe now still not yet ‘cook’.. so dunno wat to say to them also..

haih~ so kelian here.. so sien.. dunno anyone here.. dunno where to go.. dunno how to go… waaa.. waa.. my cousins… haih~ they so bz.. bz bz bz.. 1 bz with work, 1 bz wit gf kua.. haih~ no time to accompany their little cousin… yaya.. i know.. u sure say, my jiejie is just around the corner.. hey bro, i dun really like to talk to her one laa… and ong, u owe me a dinner.. u didnt bring me out today.. so denda..

miss my meimei… so kelian her alone at home.. hope that i’ll go back hometown often to see her la.. haha.. if not.. she sure berkulat at home liao.. miss everyone when i’m lonely.. so lonely.. really lonely…

<July 21, 2005>

turning into a new leaf… tomolo i’m going to kl liao le.. saturday going to register into utar liao.. still pondering whether to take broadcasting or advertising.. hmm.. both also i like.. but my gugu said broadcasting oni can work in radio and tv station… and advertising have bigger chances/various types of job… hmm.. headache la.. dun wan think too much.. anywhich one also will do la.. as long as its fun..

haih~ gonna find place to stay la… dunno wan stay where now… anyone has a room to let, please pm me.. thx thx.. oh ya~ i’ll be in the pj campus.. so section 17 will be perfect… and u know wat? it’s near RUSH =p

haha… at least still have ppl sponsor me to utar.. coming soon will be my battle in the education battledome.. study hard study hard study hard~ that’s what ppl is telling me now.. gonna begin my new life soon.. wish me luck~

<July 19, 2005>

today went to teluk batik with eric and his cousin bro.. haih~ went to the other side of the beach… kena sting by bees.. alltogether 8 stings.. 3 on the hand, 4 on the legs and 1 on my lip… so kelian.. den i’m becoming tanned liao.. everyday go here go there kaikai… no wear sun block.. later if i’m still in stw, sure become ah ne ne liao de…

got good news.. just called utar.. they said they are still accepting students till end of this month.. i’m applying within this 2 days liao la.. hope that everything will go on smoothly la..

<July 18, 2005>

waa… my head hurts… so sad.. so farn.. wan to cry.. already cried.. i dunno wat to do now… utar intake closed liao.. hav to wait till january next year.. wanna work in kelvin’s place.. but my gugu dun let again.. she wants me to go to jb with her… i can’t imagine my life with her.. i dun wan to end up like her.. she wanna conquer my life.. she wanna know everything i do…

i’ve let her decide where am i supposed to go after form5… and now… again she wants to decide where should i go… i really wanna make my own decision.. i really wanna do my own stuff.. i really wants myself to be happy..

i dun wan to wait for miracle anymore.. i’m fed-up with waiting… everyday she’ll sms me and ask me to wait for god to open the a road for me.. ya rite~ as if god has nothing else better to do.. i’m waiting for god to take away my life! how was that? everytime when she ask me to wait.. i really wanna answer her that… but i know.. she is my gugu.. i must respect her.. and dun wan to offend her with those words..

i wanna let her know.. i need to make mistakes to learn who i am.. i dun wanna be so damn protected..

at 1st.. i was think abt running from this house.. coz i’ve already arrange everything.. i hav a place to stay in kl, a job is around the corner, a fren who will drive me to work, a fren and her mom that will take care of me.. i have nothing to worry.. but everybody else will be worrying about me… especially my mommy… i really dun wan her to worry abt me de… she is already very farn when i cannot enter uni.. she is trying to help me.. she asked alot of her frens liao.. haih~ so xin ku her nia..

now… i dunno whether wanna make myself happy or make the others happy… i’m kinda tired of making other ppl happy le… my last option should be commit suicide bah.. make them regret coz pushing me too hard liao..

Britney Spears - Overprotected

I need time, love, joy
I need space, love
I need… me
Action!

Say hello to the girl that I am
You’re gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don’t wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
‘Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers…

CHORUS

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don’t worry)
How am I supposed to know what’s right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can’t help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I tell them what I like, what I want and what I don’t
But everytime I do, I stand corrected
Things that I’ve been told, I can’t believe what I hear about the world
I realize I’m overprotected
There must be another way
‘Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers…

CHORUS - repeat

I need time… love… I need space

I don’t need nobody telling me just what I wanna
What I what what what I’m gonna do about my destiny
I say no, no… nobody’s telling me just what I wanna… do do
I’m so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me…

CHORUS - repeat

I don’t need nobody telling me just what I wanna
What I what, what, what I’m gonna do about my destiny
I say no no… nobody’s telling me just what I wanna… do do
I’m so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me

CHORUS - repeat

<July 01, 2005>

hello everybody… anyone miss me? wasn’t around this few days.. hehe.. just oni came back from kl.. haha.. 1 week vacation.. and also to accompany my fren that came back new zealand.. our everyday life there was shopping, yumcha and clubbing.. every night also went out yumcha.. and every night also yumcha with different people.. so wont sien.. but.. once.. me and one of my fren skipped the yumcha session and went to asia cafe to play pool.. coz too many ppl in the yumcha session liao.. i end up bored and out of phone credit, so we sneaked out to buy topup den went to asia cafe..

shopping all day long… MNG sale worr… up to 70%.. but.. most of the 70% de not very nice la… at least others was ok.. got sale liao still expensive.. bought a few in midvalley MNG.. den the next few days went to piramid, bought a few in MNG again… cost me a boom.. haih~ others dun hav sale.. but buy also..

on 14th july.. thursday night, my frens birthday… we went to RUSH.. 1st time there.. nice atmosphere.. hot, sizzilling and smokey.. opened CHIVAS.. had a few glass of chivas + cocacola… luckily no drunk.. if not, i’ll end up sleeping in RUSH liao.. that night was super hot.. there was some little competition going on to give away bottles.. at 1st, was 4 girls must push a lime up in some guys’ pants and take it out from the top.. woah~ lucky guys.. had their didi slightly touched.. lol.. den was 4 guys stripping to their underwear… lmao.. it was soooo funny.. they were 2 gay dancers(i think they are coz they look like one) dressed up in cowboy hat and singlets plus shorts or pants.. and the 4 guys must follow wat those gay dancers do… den the dancers strip into mini short trunks.. and those guys end up wearing briefs.. i wonder, y malaysian guys doesn’t wear boxers :p

had nice time eating… 1st day, had some home cooked style food for dinner in taipan.. den 2nd day, dinner went to kajang to eat kajang satay - yummy~, had tepanyakki for lunch.. den 3rd day went out for movies with my chatfren.. den went to kim gary for lunch and steamboat for dinner.. 4th day went to celebrate my frens birthday, her mom brought us to sushi king.. den we had peanutbutter and chocolate cake the next day.. there were too many food until no time to eat the cake.. lol. den after that we went to taipan to eat yong tau foo… nice~ the worst food that i had was rawa tosei in usj8..

had a nice short vacation… now its time to study le… got my appeal result.. cannot enter again.. thinking of going utar bah… coz…. now think think.. dun wan work 1st la.. i can work the rest of my life later.. now i still wanna enjoy my life 1st.. hehe..

preparing to go clubbing le…

<July 09, 2005>

waa.. waaa… i’m not an illegal scooterist anymore… i was the most popular illegal scooterist in sitiawan.. hahaha.. coz kena warning from police so many times.. but tak kena saman before.. coz make fren with them.. hehehe.. but… haiz.. just sold my cute little bao bei scooter.. *sob*sob*sob* for oni rm800… haiz.. i forgot to take last pic of my cute cute scooter… my scooter now belongs to an old apek.. haih~ dunno he will take good care of my bao bei or not.. haih~~~ waisiu… now… i hav to walk or ride bicycle liao le… my lousy dad dun let me drive his car… mentang-mentang new car…. blerk~

and now…. i wanna be an illegal driver la pulak.. hehehe.. 9 die 1 alive driver.. hahaha… hmm… should be a ‘i-can-bang-anyone-on-the-road’ driver… coz… i dun even remember how to drive a car la.. but… i’m not so ‘cha’ la… last week, i tried to drive my mom’s car… just drove until the junction nearby my waipo house… my mom ask me to get off the car liao.. haih~ she dun trust me.. she dun let drive… and i dun think she’s gonna buy me a car… *heart shattered on the pink honda jazz* PINK HONDA JAZZ!! haha..

pray for me everybody.. pray a new car for me.. and also a driver la… hehehe…

<July 01, 2005>

result to enter gov varsity came out le.. i didnt get any.. i think that i’m not sad.. coz i already knew it coz of my result.. and now.. i’m thinking of going to work and dun wan to study anymore.. coz studying is so so so…. i dunno wat to say..

my yiyi asked me whether i wanna learn hairdressing and bridal make up.. that’s cool.. coz once i’d think that i wanna do that.. but all the way my gugu and grandma dun like me doing that kind of stuff.. coz they think that i’m into studies.. but they are wrong.. i already start to fed-up with studies since after form5 when they dun let me to join my frens in TARC.. they insisted me to take form6 that is destroying my life..

who should i blame? myself? blame them? they are the one who wanted me to take form6.. and now the result sucks.. and i cannot enter uni.. and i cannot do anything else.. so what if its their fault? they have nothing to lose.. i cannot blame them.. its my life.. i’m the one who gonna deal with it.. all i’m doing now is sit at home.. i’m living each day like it’s my last.. taking time to waste time..

now.. my gugu insist me to continue studying no matter wat… i had to appeal and appeal.. if this ain’t gonna work, she’s gonna make me repeat stpm until i get a place in varsity… haih~

all i wan is my life.. just once… i wanna make my own decision… they already said that they will let me choose which road i wanna take.. but now.. they still thinks that their decision is the best… who cares abt their decision.. this is my life.. i’m the one who is walking on the road of my life… i’m the one who’s gonna face the prob in my life..

i’ve been a listener since i was young… everybody very sayang me coz i always listen to them.. i’ll just follow wat they said.. i dun make my own decision.. a fren of mine asked me do u wan to be that way untill forever? and i answered as long as they are happy, i sacrifice abit also nvm de…

but do i really make them happy? their happiness is just when i listen to them.. just for awhile only… so after the happiness, everything will go back to square.. at last what i get? at least i’m happy when they are happy.. but maybe i’ll have more probs.. this and that… i’m the one have to deal with it..

at last.. i talked to them yesterday… their hope for me to further my studies haven’t die… they still wants me to wait for the appeal result and wouldn’t let me go to s’pore learn hairdressing…

so, my decision is…. i’ll listen to them…(omg, i’m such a loser) i’ll wait for the appeal result.. and if i didnt get any varsity and they don’t wan me to go utar.. i’ll just ignore them and go s’pore.. (well, i dunno whether i can make it or not… coz my heart kinda soft)

i know i’m always a kid to them.. they do all these stuff is for me that they think that the best for me.. but.. they didnt think for me.. they didnt stand in my shoe.. i cant study alot.. everytime studying, i’ll end up forgetting everything.. i had to study 3-5 times so that i can remember… and i dun hav so much time for that.. i am a totally forgetful person.. maybe i didnt take this thing seriously or dun think that its important, so i cannot remember.. that’s wat my frens said..

i’m happy to have a fren that will always be by my side supporting me and giving me advice.. that’s mogoo.. he make me find myself when i’m just taking life easily.. his advice makes sense.. but the way he talk kinda old.. very very long… luckily i can stand him.. and not flaming him for his thought.. after writing all of these… i’m feeling good.. =) my next post should be the next chapter of my life.. i’m hoping so..